A certain number of people have expressed their concerns on my seeking. Friends and family included.

I also realise that they happen to worry that i am not acting my age, more importantly, my failure to enjoy my youth.

Although i am not able to find the significance of enjoying my youthful years, i did however ask why it didnt mean much to me.

I have been a normal person all my life, so i must admit there were instances when i had entertainment that a teen would have had at my age. But the difference was that i was bored almost immediately.

The entertainment did not give me sustained satisfaction.

I feel i cant be ignorant that there is a large part of me that wants to find out my roots. I do not mean my bloodline of course, i mean my very existence.

As mentioned in earlier posts, watching your breathing instantly brings you to the Now, enabling you to drop your rotten baggage of the past and the idealistic dreams of the future.

In such a small effort of watching your breathing, you find a gap of bliss. This 'gap' is mentioned by Osho and Eckhart Tolle in many of their discourses and books.

Meditation can help lengthen the gap.

But more importantly, these series of gaps bring immense joy! The longer the gaps the more peaceful your mind is and the more centered you become.

It is this joy that is ecstacy. It is this joy that surpasses the mere entertainment of the physical realm.

It is precisely this joy that increases the energy in your physical body. I have personally experienced a high level of vibration and energy that saw me go days with few hours of sleep. The joy so easily exceeds the physical limitations of the body.

It is this joy that i seek. Because there is a permanence. It is consistent. Everything else on the physical realm lacks consistency. It does not last long, and therefore we are attached to the concept that anything that brings happiness does not last forever.

It doesnt last forever because it lacks conciousness. It doesnt last forever because it lacks deep awareness. It doesnt last forever because it does not include meditation.

The entertainment on the physical realm is over once the activity is completed.

But the inner joy that you recieve from the long gaps will stay, even if sometimes its not in the foreground, it will remain like a soothing music in the background.

So, it is not about the biological age or the entertainment value, it is the permanance of the state of bliss that brings oneself to another level altogether.